Am I People-Pleasing or Just Being Nice: How to Tell the Difference

People-pleasing often looks like kindness, but its roots tell a different story. While true kindness comes from an authentic desire to give, people-pleasing is a survival mechanism born out of fear. It can take two forms: shrinking yourself to stay invisible or appeasing others by over-attuning to their emotions. Both stem from the same place—relationships that didn’t feel safe enough to let you be fully you.

If you’re wondering whether you’re being kind or people-pleasing, start by tuning into your body. Does it feel tense, like you’re trying to avoid danger, or does it feel expansive and nourishing? Healing the trauma behind people-pleasing is possible through somatic therapy, relational work, and immersive experiences that help you reconnect with your true self. True kindness isn’t about survival; it’s about freedom.